My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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