Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
