Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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