does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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