I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
