Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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