I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
