conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
