Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
