Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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