So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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