He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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