Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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