"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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