A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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