Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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