she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
