did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize