i need an iv and a liver transplant
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
