we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
