Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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