what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
