the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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