I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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