Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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