Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
