Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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