Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
