Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
