oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
