dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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