i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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