I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
