she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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