Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize