I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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