i just had sex bonerless
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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