I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Oh god it's open bar.
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