I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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