can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
