I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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