I look better un-naked...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
