i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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