you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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