I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize
