Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
