I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
