So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
