my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
