I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
