I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
