In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
