Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
zippers are such a cool invention
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
