Your dad touched me again.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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