It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
