my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
