I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
