This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
