I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We are all done wearing pants today
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
