oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
