We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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