he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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