i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
