you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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