It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
