Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
