Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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