my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
His nipple licking is glorious
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