My friends, they love my intelligence
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
