Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
