Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
