This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
