I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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