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everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
