I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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