the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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